When Witches Party
by Child.Heart.Forever
Summary: It seemed like a good idea to have a little party to celebrate the new year. But, as everyone quickly discovered, having a normal party with Bayonetta present is a lot harder than it sounds. (Language warning because...well...it's Bayonetta)


**Hi! This idea started out as a jokey conversation I was having with a friend of mine a while back (If you're reading this then hi! Also, thanks for the idea! I never would have written this if it weren't for that conversation!) So, yes, language warning because...Well, it's Bayonetta, she does and says what she wants!**

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"Okay WHAT did we tell you at the start of the evening?!" Hissed Jeanne 

"Calm down" said Rodin, lighting up a cigar "It's a party" 

"I told you to cut her off at her third drink!" Snapped the witch "She's completely wasted!" She groaned "right, how much has she had?" 

"I think she had about four or five glasses before I cut her off" He shrugged "Then she just took the entire bottle" 

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me…" 

Jeanne followed the sound of laughter and loud, slurred talking until she found her friend. She stopped dead in the doorway to the room.

Bayonetta had gained a small crowd of onlookers as she was attempting to DRY HUMP Luka who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else in the world. 

"B-Bayonetta, seriously, I think you're going to regret this if you-" 

"-Oh don't be such a wuss, Cheshire" she grinned, pressing herself closer to the man "You wouldn't n—normally be complaaaaing" 

"You're drunk!" 

"CEREZA!" Shrieked Jeanne 

Bayonetta smiled widely and got to her feet again, a bottle of vodka still swinging from one hand "Jeaaaaaaaanne!" 

"Cereza…" 

"Y-yooo-oou're having f—fun! Right?" She asked, stumbling on her high heels and almost faceplanting the ground. 

"I'm OKAY!" She announced once she'd straightened up, laughing wildly 

"Cereza I think you've had enough to drink" 

"Nooooo you just haven't had enough" Giggled Bayonetta, raising the bottle to her lips again "Wh–yz ev'ry'ne stopped?!" She demanded, her drunken mind slurring her words. 

"You need to stop dr—GET DOWN FROM THERE!" 

Bayonetta seemed to have not heard her, now pretending that she knew how to tap dance on top of the piano and singing at the top of her voice, the now empty vodka bottle still swinging from her hand. 

"CEREZA I SWEAR TO-!" 

A few guests screamed when Bayonetta sent the vodka bottle flying across the room as she lost her balance and fell on her back on the piano with a loud smack. 

"I think I broke my ass" she announced loudly 

"Cereza I think it's time you called it a night, don't you?" 

"Jeanne…Jeanne Jeanne Jeanne Jeanne Jeanne…" 

"WHAT?!" 

The other witch opened her mouth to speak only to frown "I f'got wha' I was gonna say…" 

"Go to bed" Said Jeanne 

"I need another drink…" announced Bayonetta, walking off in the direction of Rodin, stumbling on her heels and almost walking into a wall. 

"Cereza get back here!" Yelled Jeanne before turning to glare at Luka "Well?! Help me!" 

"Right, right! Of course! Help, that I can do!" 

They found Bayonetta arguing with Rodin when he refused to give her another drink. 

"C'mooooon! Jus' one moooore!" 

"Bayonetta, I think you've overdone it a bit" 

"One more won't hurt…" 

"You're a mess" 

"Bayonetta!" Yelled Luka 

"Cheeeeeshiiiiire!" She squealed, her voice rising three octaves as she said it.

She spotted her umbran sister standing next to him "Jeaaaaaaaanne!" She laughed again, swaying "how aaaaaare yoooooou?!" 

"Luka can you grab her right arm?" Asked Jeanne with a sigh "I doubt she can walk straight…" 

Jeanne didn't get a chance to grab her friend as she dramatically threw herself at Luka. 

"Hey get off!" 

She grinned, starting to play with his hair "Oh my god it's so fluuuuuffyyyy!" 

"What the fuck…" 

"I've been drinking" she announced, laughing "But don't tell Jeanne, she's an asshole sometimes" 

"Right, that's it! Cereza you have to go to-!" 

Bayonetta had pushed herself flush against Luka, kissing him madly. He managed to push her away, almost sending her tumbling to the floor. "Doesn't anyone know how to have fun?!" She demanded 

"Cereza please-" 

"-No!" She yelled, pointing at Jeanne "Fuck you!" She turned to point at Rodin next "and fuck you!" 

"Bayonetta, seriously, you're making yourself look-" 

She turned to point dramatically at Luka "Fuck you, Cheshire! I thought you were fun!" Bayonetta walked to the centre of the room, pointing at everyone she could "Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you!" She stumbled, swaying, as she turned to face Jeanne, Luka and Rodin again "aaaaaaand fuuuuuuuuuuck yooooooou!" Before anyone could move, Bayonetta's eyes rolled backwards and she collapsed to the floor. 

"Okay then that makes getting her to bed easier…" said Jeanne "Luka, you're carrying her in case she wakes up and vomits" 

"Greeeeeat…" groaned Luka, kneeling down to lift the unconscious woman into his arms "Juuuust fucking great…"


End file.
